By Craig McMurtry
Softball Times
ABILENE — The championship t-shirts were already in the bag — literally. Five HGH players didn’t even bother to show up. And the Syringes trailed by three runs after 1 1/2 innings.
So what kept HGH from simply licking a Holiday Nutcracker postage stamp and mailing it in?
Pride, Holmes. Straight up pride.
Despite playing in a contest as meaningless as a Rangers game in September, the skeleton crew of Syringes gutted out a 19-16 victory over UBC Blue on Monday in the Fall 2008 season finale. The win was HGH’s 10th in a row after an 0-2 start.
All of the excuses were in place for the Syringes to drop a stinkbomb on Monday night. Consider:
1. After clinching the Church III crown on Nov. 10, HGH was enveloped by a media frenzy. First, their title-winning game story was published on the Abilene Reporter-News web site. Then all of a sudden, the Syringes were featured in every magazine from Slow-Pitch Weekly (“HGH: Team of the Decade”), to Popular Mechanics (“The space-age technology behind Scott Kilmer’s knee brace”) to GQ (“David Pittman: Bringing Back The Nappy Afro”).
“It was insane,” said HGH pitcher/pizza mogul Jonathan Sharp, who revealed his new Pepperoni Pancakes on the season premiere of Top Chef. “I never expected to get so much attention for walking 10 batters per game.”
2. With the season all but over, several players turned their attention to other pursuits. Rookie utilityman and cosmetology student Ryan Quidley spent game night studying for his Tuesday exam on pedicures. Designated “hitter” Scott Kilmer was due for a 20,000-mile tune-up on his bionic knee. Shortstop Brandon Stover, recently recovered from a severe lip fungus, flew to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota to donate his leftover pus to science. And reserves James Mayo and Mark Lavender are still missing after their Romo-inspired vacation getaway with a Simpson — O.J. Simpson. As a result, for the second consecutive week HGH was limited to 10 players on Monday, barely enough to field a team.
3. The players weren’t the only ones providing distractions. An unnamed source revealed to the Softball Times that HGH coach Nathan Sanders spent the week in contract negotiations to become coach and general manager for the Uruguayan team Los Burros de Sofbol. Confronted before the game, Sanders was noncommittal.
“I’m not gonna comment on that,” said Sanders, who curiously had an English-to-Spanish dictionary tucked into one of his knee-length socks. “I’ve got enough to worry about with organizing the end-of-season team party at Build-A-Bear and scheduling the championship parade through the church parking lot.”
With all of that going on, there was a game to play. And while all seemed well when the Syringes opened with a seven-run first inning, the Blue Hens from UBC Blue responded with a 10-spot in the second. The HGH defense didn’t help. Sanders and the other outfielders turned virtually every fly ball into an adventure, while shortstop/gunslinger Garrett Sublette showed off his arm by proving there was no overthrow he couldn’t make.
Add in the fact that HGH was facing the unorthodox multi-fake pitching style of UBC ace and former circus clown Eugene “Twinkles” Smerples, and an upset appeared to be in the making.
But HGH rallied. And with the score tied at 12 heading into the bottom of the fourth, the Syringes smacked Smerples with a seven-run inning. Then with the tying run in the on-deck circle for UBC in the fifth, Sharp retired the final two hitters to put a bow on the season and give HGH a 2-1 season series edge over the Hens.
Once again the HGH offense was, as Sanders put it afterwards, en fuego. Monday was the second consecutive game that all 10 batters in HGH’s lineup had at least one hit. Pittman posted four RBI, while Sharp and first baseman John Powell each added three. Powell reached base in all three at-bats, which could be attributable to the fact that he was wearing his hunting camouflage.
“You can’t tag out what you can’t see,” said Powell, who was last seen heading over to the Abilene Zoo with a deer rifle slung over his back.
But they all took a back seat to Sanders, who once again was swinging his bat like an LAPD officer with a 3-for-4 night and two triples. Plus, he did it all while hampered by a severe case of what has been clinically diagnosed as Guitar Hero Kick Pedal Ankle.
In the final two games of the season, Sanders went 8-for-9 with a home run, two triples, four doubles and 11 RBI. And while it wasn’t enough to catch lame-duck hitting leader Brandon Stover (.750) for the batting title, Sanders did finish first in runs (25), hits (27) and RBI (24).
“What a way to go out,” Sanders said. “I’ll remember this when I’m in South America … um, if I were going there … which I can neither confirm nor deny.”
This story is dedicated to the memory of Dee Woody (1926-2008).
