By Larry Parrish
Softball Times
ABILENE — HGH must have watched “Old School” during last week’s film session. Because, as Frank “The Tank” Ricard would say, the Syringes are “GOING STREAKING!!”
But fortunately, the only things the HGH players are taking off are their baseball caps for yet another poorly-improvised post-game victory prayer.
Despite missing five players from their current roster — including two that are actually GOOD players — the Syringes scraped together enough clutch hits and key defensive plays to post their second doubleheader sweep of the season on Monday night. Well, third if you count getting swept in the opener … but let’s not dwell on that.
Since dropping that deuce, however, HGH (5-2) has flushed that memory out of everyone’s minds by winning five games in a row — the longest winning streak in the franchise’s illustrious 6 1/2-month history.
“What a great bunch of kids,” said HGH coach Nathan Sanders, who is in fact the second-oldest player on the roster behind Jonathan “Pops” Sharp. “I wouldn’t trade these guys for a million bucks! Well … actually, money is kinda tight right now. It don’t even have to be a million. How much you got?”
How money has HGH been? This stat says it all:
The Syringes have now scored in 18 CONSECUTIVE INNINGS, an incredible run that stretches across four games. In that 18-inning span, HGH has outscored its opposition 56-26. Coincidentally, the streak began after reserves Steve Eller and Eric Goff were kicked off the team for NOT using illegal substances.
“I’m glad we got rid of those dudes,” said third baseman James Mayo, whose hat size has mysteriously grown from 7 1/2 to 9 3/4 in less than a month. “If they’re gonna be selfish about taking care of their bodies and avoiding a premature death and all that stuff, then we don’t want ‘em here.”
The evening opened with a 13-7 dismantling of previously unbeaten (emphasis on the word PREVIOUSLY) Hillcrest. Despite frequently tossing pitches higher than a circle of pizza dough, Sharp deftly dodged any danger and started the game with four shutout innings.
“We didn’t want to sit next to him in the dugout because he had a shutout going,” said superstitious shortstop Brandon Stover. “He also kinda smelled like those little packets of crushed red pepper. I guess that was another reason.”
Stover (4-for-4, 4 RBI) and Mayo (3-for-4, 2 RBI) were the offensive stars against Hillcrest, while second baseman Garrett Sublette and Stover continued to show why they are considered the best middle-infield tandem since Jerry Browne and Scott Fletcher.
But the real drama came in the nightcap against the rival Mullets from Clyde FUMC, a well-prepared bunch that came in armed with a DVD featuring each HGH hitter’s tendencies and a scouting report thicker than the Clyde phone book (i.e. seven pages).
“These guys knew everything about me,” said newcomer Ryan Quidley, who found a copy of the scouting report in the parking lot next to a half-empty can of Pearl Light. “My address, my hometown, my GPA … even my favorite contestant on America’s Next Top Model! How did they know about Lauren Brie?”
After a stirring pre-game speech from manager Cletus Stengel, the Mullets were ready for war. And a war they got.
The lead had changed hands four times when HGH plated four runs in the top of the fourth to take a 10-7 edge. Clyde pulled within 10-9 in the bottom half, then seemed poised for a comeback victory when the Syringes quickly found themselves with two out and a runner on first in the fifth.
Then up stepped Eric Goff — yes, THAT Eric Goff.
With HGH in dire need of players, Goff reluctantly agreed to swallow more than the recommended dosage of Flintstones chewables, thus making him eligible for reinstatement. And despite playing a completely unfamiliar position (right field), Goff managed three hits in the two games.
None was more important than his last one. With the team’s fate possibly resting on his bat, the No. 10 hitter laced a single to left field to keep the inning going. It would be the first of seven two-out hits by HGH, the biggest of which an opposite-field bases-loaded triple by Stover.
After the six-run spurt put HGH firmly in command, a deflated Clyde bunch could muster just one run in the bottom of the inning for a 16-10 Syringe victory that had Stengel hopping like Yosemite Sam.
Game 2 had plenty of other offensive heroes: Stover (3-for-4), Sanders (4-for-4) and outfielders Derran Reese (4-for-4, 4 RBI) and Blaine Martin (3-for-3). But the 3-for-3 night by Goff was the talk of the locker room.
“Goff sure came up big for us tonight,” Sublette said. “What a way for him to go out. He is going out, isn’t he?”
Next for HGH is an 8:30 p.m. home game against UBC Blue, a 1-win team whose only win came against … Sorry. Don’t mean to be negative.
